About Me

Finding a Higher Power Beyond the Traditional Path

I started Awakening to THAT because I know what it’s like to struggle with the Higher Power concept in AA. The Twelve Steps were designed in the 1930s within a Christian framework, influenced by the Oxford Group, and that language never quite fit me. But rather than abandoning the Steps, I searched for a way to integrate my own spirituality into them—one that felt authentic and natural, rather than forced.

My journey through spirituality started long before recovery. My first steps into spiritual exploration began with Western traditions and Tarot, which I started studying at age 16. The Tarot was a spiritual path that allowed me to explore different traditions without aligning with just one. Over time, I expanded into Neopaganism, Hindu philosophy, and Buddhism—trying to find a framework that made sense. Buddhism gave me wisdom and discipline, but it lacked a concept of surrender. Neopaganism gave me connection to deities, but it often lacked structured spiritual guidance. Christianity, which I tried for a time, felt too rigid in its exclusivity. The one text that had always spoken to me, though, was the Bhagavad Gita. It contained a message of surrender that resonated deeply, but I resisted embracing it fully because I didn’t want to betray my Buddhist foundation.

During this journey, I began visiting Samye Ling, a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Scotland, while also practicing Neopaganism. After several years of visiting, I formally became a Buddhist on January 1, 2001—the first of the first of the first. The following year, in 2002, I also joined AA, marking the beginning of my recovery journey. Even as I embraced Buddhism, my Neopagan roots never left me, and I continued to explore the balance between these spiritual paths.

Over time, I realized that I had naturally been drawn to Bhakti—the path of devotion—not from a Hindu perspective, but through my own eclectic, personal spiritual lens. I’ve had different deities as my Higher Power at different times—Hekate, Amun-Ra, Brigid, and others. I came to see that surrender and devotion don’t belong to one tradition; they are universal experiences.

The 12 Steps and Bhakti: A Universal Path

Many people assume the Twelve Steps are exclusively Christian, but they’re not. Once you strip away the Christian wording and cultural assumptions, you see that the Steps themselves are deeply aligned with a Bhakti or devotional approach:

  • Surrendering to a Higher Power (Step 3)
  • Self-purification and removing obstacles (Steps 4–9)
  • Living in devotion and service (Steps 10–12)

This structure isn’t just religious dogma—it’s a universal process of transformation. The problem isn’t the Steps themselves; it’s that many people struggle with how they’re framed. My work is about helping others find a Higher Power that actually makes sense to them, without feeling like they have to force themselves into a belief system that doesn’t fit.

My Background: Walking Between Traditions

I’m not just approaching this from theory—I’ve lived it. My spiritual path has been deeply shaped by experience:

  • I hold an MA (Hons) degree in History and Philosophy, which has given me a deep understanding of both intellectual and spiritual traditions.
  • I lived in a Tibetan monastery in Scotland for two years, immersing myself in Buddhist philosophy and practice.
  • I spent five years in India, traveling through different ashrams and studying Hindu and Buddhist traditions.
  • I spent time in Thailand undergoing various meditation trainings and even spent a short period as a Buddhist monk.
  • I’ve lived in Thailand, Laos, and India, learning firsthand how different cultures approach spirituality.
  • I also have deep roots in Neopaganism, particularly through my Scottish-Irish background and my involvement with ADF Druidry.
  • Since 2014, I have also been a Master Mason in Freemasonry, which has added another layer to my understanding of esoteric and symbolic traditions.
  • I have taught in international schools across 13 countries in Europe, Asia, and Africa, working with diverse cultures and perspectives, which has further shaped my approach to spirituality and education.
  • I integrate unverified personal gnosis (UPG) into my practice, understanding that spirituality is both deeply personal and evolving.

Because of this, I don’t fit neatly into any one tradition. Instead, I bridge worlds—helping those who feel alienated by traditional recovery frameworks find a spiritual path that works for them.

Who Is This Blog For?

This blog is for people who struggle with the Higher Power concept in AA and other Twelve Step programs. Maybe you’ve felt out of place because you don’t connect with the Judeo-Christian God so often referenced in meetings. Maybe you’ve been drawn to Neopaganism, Buddhism, or other traditions but don’t know how to integrate them into the Steps. Or maybe you’ve been searching for something, not knowing what it is, only that you need a spiritual connection that feels real.

I want to help you navigate that journey. You don’t have to abandon the Twelve Steps—you just need to approach them in a way that aligns with your spirit.

What Should You Do Next?

  1. Identify Your Approach to Spirituality

    • Do you resonate with a personal Higher Power (a deity, guide, or divine presence)?
    • Or do you feel drawn to an impersonal concept of spirituality (Advaita Vedanta, Buddhism, or something formless)?
    • This is your starting point.

  2. Develop a Practice That Aligns With the Twelve Steps

    • If you feel drawn to devotion, explore which deities, traditions, or spiritual energies resonate with you.
    • If you lean toward a meditative or self-inquiry approach, consider how Buddhist or non-dual practices can support your recovery.
    • This is about what feels true in your heart—not just what makes sense intellectually.

  3. Explore More

    • Read through the blog for guidance on integrating spirituality into recovery.
    • Start experimenting with small, meaningful practices.
    • If you feel lost, reach out—I’m here to help you on this path.

No matter where you are in your journey, you don’t have to fit into a mold to find healing. The Twelve Steps are a powerful structure, but they’re just that—a structure. You get to decide what fills that space. My hope is that this blog helps you find what truly resonates with your spirit.

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